why God gave me a son

I’ll never forget the day Jarrett and I went to find out the gender of our sweet baby. It was January 11, 2011. I remember being cold and thinking that despite my barely-there baby bump {is she pregnant or just chunky?} I was looking pretty cute. I was around 17 weeks pregnant and was fairly certain I was having a girl. I guess I’d entertained the fact that I MIGHT have a boy, but I definitely didn’t know what to do with one so I just had pink on the brain. We were practically giddy in the waiting room. I don’t remember how long we waited or even walking back to the room. Jarrett held my hand and we watched our little baby on the screen. We saw fingers and toes, a sweet little yawn and…wait a minute…that can NOT be a penis!! The lady announced that baby Lange was indeed a boy. OMG. Why hadn’t I thought this could be possible? We don’t even have any boy names picked out that I like! How am I going to potty train a boy? So many thoughts were rushing through my head, but I was ecstatic. Jarrett was over the moon. I felt different—a little relieved and a little confused.

Fast-forward to 2013. I’m a mom to a BOY. Life could not be more perfect. Sure, there are days when I think how fun it would be to dress a little girl, fix her hair, paint her nails. But, I’m loving life as a boy mom with each day that passes. I get head butts and “squeezes” {because R seems to think he might melt if he gives me a kiss or a hug}. God has revealed something to me recently and I think it is so cool. God gave me a son because I wasn’t ready to be a mother to a daughter. I don’t take my role as a mother to Remington lightly. I don’t mean to undermine the male gender whatsoever. However, I do think a daughter needs a mother with a tender heart. Given today’s society—so obsessed with beauty and fame—it’s CRUCIAL for young girls to be taught what’s truly important. You see, I’ve never really been comfortable in my own skin. When I was young I hated my red hair, chubby cheeks, and freckles. When I was in middle school/high school I hated that I was “developed”. I always wanted to look like, talk like, act like, BE like someone else. Why did I not realize that God created me this way? Why did I not realize that God’s creations are always PERFECT in his eyes? I’m learning to be ok with who I am. I never realized that I was basically saying my Creator “messed up” when he made me. I’m grateful that I’m learning to love what’s on the inside. One day, if I do have a daughter, I pray that she won’t have to struggle through my insecurities. I pray that she will know her worth in God’s eyes. No, I wasn’t ready to have a daughter. I needed to have a son first. I needed to pray over this little boy—to pray for his future wife. I needed to come to terms with myself as a woman before I could teach a little girl how to love herself. I needed this little boy to love me so much—to build up my confidence. This child has made me feel worthy—in ways that no one else can. I’m so blessed to be a mother. I feel so honored that God chose Jarrett and I to be Remi’s parents.  My heart is full tonight because I’ve witnessed first hand that God has a plan for all of us. It may not come the way we think it should. It may seem crazy to some. But for me, it makes perfect sense. I know why God gave me a son, and for all of His blessings I am thankful.

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5 thoughts on “why God gave me a son

  1. Thank you so much Audrey! It makes my heart happy to get feedback on something that totally stresses me out and consumes my thoughts! I love writing but then I obsess over if it made me sound crazy or not! haha! It’s always something!

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  2. Thank you for sharing this. I am a mom of a daughter and another on the way. I also love God with all my heart. For my second pregnancy I wanted a boy but got a girl and I was very disappointed, my husband was sad. I cried for 2 days because I only wanted 2 children a boy and a girl. After praying to God and repenting for not accepting His will, He reminded me that He hand picked my little girls for me and that they probably will teach me some things (I was a tomboy and never was girly). So I accept it and I’m actually looking forward to have 2 little girls.

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  3. I know I’m years later with my comment but I really enjoyed reading your blog. I can’t agree with you more on this, as I’m a soon to be mother. I can’t thank you enough for the encouragement to accept my own fate. I too am not ready to be a mother to a little girl but I’m grateful for my beauttiful blessing.

    Liked by 1 person

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