(looking at a bruised banana that I promised him would still taste fine)
“I don’t think I trust you, banana…”
Remi: Ruby spent the night with Honey? Away from you? I don’t like that idea! Babies are not big enough to stay with Honey and Poppa!
Me: But you used to stay with Honey and Poppa when you were a baby.
Remi: Well, that’s not good either! Well, it can be okay when mommies are sick but it cannot be okay if mommy is not sick!
“I never knew little babies would be so much trouble.”
“If you ever need anyone to vacuum, just ask me. I’ll do it for you. Cause I’ll do anything for you. And for the floor…to get that floor clean!”
(Remi feeding Ruby)
“Mom, quit distracting her!!”
“Ruby, sometimes I think you cry just to get some attention!”
“I was a baby and then I grew up a little bit and then when I was 3 you told me, ‘This is the earth. This is where you’re gonna live…in Longview.'”
Me: I need you to do something for me real quick then you can go back to your hiding spot.
Remi: This is not a hiding spot! It’s a pouting spot!
Me: What did you do with it??
Me: The spanking spoon! Where is it?
Remi: I haven’t touched it in like 40 days!!!
(I had convinced Remi that Spring Break was for spring cleaning. He was gung-ho for a day or two and then when I asked him to do something…)
Remi: I thought it was Spring Break…
Me: It is.
Remi: Then why am I not getting a break?